Today I was reading a blog post from a new and different source to what I normally read, and I found myself becoming suspicious of this person and angry at them.
I did my usual trick of trying to Distract by continuing to read the post. For me, Distraction is a good first step tool to use, as my emotions come and go so quickly it is always worth seeing if they will dart off as fast as they came.
The feelings persisted though. I realised I had to consciously address them when I noticed myself wanting to react to these emotions.
So I spoke to myself out loud. I non-judgementally listed how I was feeling and what thoughts those feelings were giving rise to. Straight away, I was able to tell myself that these emotions were coming from past experiences, where I had been hurt by people who this blogger was now reminding me of.
It's amazing how often the purpose of my emotions turns out to be my brain trying to protect me from a perceived threat or harm.
After realising this, it's hard to be all that frustrated with myself or my disorder. I mean, in its own way, my brain is just trying to look after me. It's even kind of sweet!
But, I know that more often than not, having BPD means my brain is using ineffective or misinformed methods when it comes to emotions and relationships.
I just need to practise rewiring and redirecting these good intentions so that they more effectively respond to what is really happening.